Ready...set...WHOA!!

It's August. The Summer Reading Program is over and there's still three weeks to go before school begins again. The progam was a resounding success, and our entertainment for the day, Jim Cruise-The Spoon Man, was super! But, it's time to focus on other things, I suppose. I can get the majority of the things done that have been waiting for this point, both at work and at home; I might even be able to clean off my desk! I do enjoy the quiet of the library now that the kid-centered activities are over for awhile, but honestly, I liked that action and noise and now, it can be a little too quiet. But, at home, I can spend more time with my kids in the evenings, and since Daddy still works third shift, the kids and I can go do things that I haven't had time or energy for until now. This brief reprieve is MY summer. Yes, I know it's hot and humid, but the days are still long and this is when my downtime begins. Wait. Did I say downtime? Okay, not really. My son starts his drum lessons again, we're finally planning our vacation, there's weeds to pull and the garden to manage, and I haven't done much school shopping for either child with the exception of crayons and pencils. And, as much as I can't seem to wrap my head around it, my daughter is going to Kindergarten. She is more than ready and is very excited to go back. She'll be going to the same school as her brother, and has been going there since she started preschool at age 3. She'll know most of her classmates since they too have been there since preschool. She still has her backpack from last year, but is bugging me to go shopping so we can get her a new lunch tote, a folder, some markers, and all the other things on her personal list of must-haves. I was ready for my downtime, I was ready for the Summer Reading Program to be over, I was ready to pick veggies and make spaghetti sauce and plan for vacation...I'm not sure I'm ready for her to go to "big-kids school". I'm not ready to get her dressed on her first morning and send her off on the school bus for the first time. I know her big brother will be there with her and despite their seemingly unending bickering, I know he'll look out for her. She's not nervous about it, why am I? She's always been the bold one of our kids-- fearless and daring since day one. She taught herself to swim underwater with her eyes open, taught herself to do a headstand, and how to rollerskate alone. She's very independent and smart and I know she'll be fine, but....she's my baby. There won't be anymore babies in our home until grandkids and that's a very, very long time from now. I can get my "baby-fix" from my co-workers' darling little ones that I love to spoil. I'm not even slightly aching to have another baby, but in the end, I suppose it's just that time is marching on. My kids are growing up and I know they will both eventually find their wings and fly. I want that for my kids, though. I want them to have a sense of adventure and a curiosity that doesn't end when school does. I want them to fly and be independent and have good, happy lives of their own, but can't it wait? Just a little longer? I'm not ready.